the sweetest road: Post Gigathon and Glasgow Love

I've had quite some time to reflect over my gigathon experience. There are two main outcomes from this reflection:

1) I am ridiculously happy that I did it

2) I fell in love with Glasgow

There is a sort of third, but it's this huge, emotional outcome that's going to be difficult to collate and put into any sort of cohesive narrative. I'll try. (Feel free to ignore all that bit when it comes).

But first, 1) and 2). Simply put I feel so empowered and relieved that I went ahead and made that week a real experience. I love that on quite a whim I decided 'fuck it' and booked a week off work to traipse around the UK willy nilly listening to some (favourite) bands that happened (amazingly) to be playing within days of each other. When I type it out like that, I do get a slight 'woah' moment. After all the emotional trauma I've dealt with in the last few years and some of the physical results of that I am beyond ecstatic that I did something truly for me. It may be the first instance of that to be honest. It felt incredible. Music, art and film really do feed my soul and as far as I'm concerned (other than having amazing people I love in my life) are my primary and most significant joy in life. I truly believe it's music and film and art that essentially helps my breathe and feel and be. The experience of totally enveloping myself in all of that, completely alone, it wonderfully overwhelming and feels so pure in its intentions. It really has changed my life.

I'm so glad Glasgow was a part of this experience. What a wonderful place. It felt like home, to be honest. That scares me slightly. I have this terrible fear of being in the wrong place in life, and it did shake me to think that maybe I'm supposed to be somewhere else (particularly having tried to move away a few times over the past couple of years.) I am trying to put that thought aside slightly, as I want to truly enjoy what was the coolest place I've been (since Berlin?) that made me feel good about being me, and loving what I love, and feeling at ease with what is at its core just my nature.

Glasgow is a shit city if you're a graffiti hunter like me though (see bottom picture) as there is very little. Or I found very little anyway!

I'm not going to harp on too much about point 3, which isn't really a point as I'm still fuzzy about it. But I guess what points 1 and 2 do collectively is make me feel really comfortable in my own skin about what I adore about this world. Creativity, searching for beauty, feeding my soul. In recent months I've met some wonderful people (now friends I hope) who love what I love. For the past few years, due to changes in circumstances (blah blah blah) I have been without people in my life who are 'into the same stuff as me.' I have amazing friends who have helped me survive my lowest ebb and have helped me celebrate my highest peaks, and they are what makes my heart beat. But I have felt that the one thing I was missing was someone to spill out all of my thoughts and feelings about music (and film) to. Meeting these guys in the last four or so months has brought me such joy, and also a sense of relief. I don't feel stifled by my obsessions anymore. I feel liberated, as there are people I can reach out to who get it. They just get it. And they are helping me feel more alive each day because I feel less alone at a time in my life where I could feel completely and utterly lonely. It's incredible. People are incredible. Music is incredible, and how it brings people together has changed my life. From the small things to some of the major things. I said I wouldn't harp on too much...

Below are some shots of Glasgow. I begin and end with 'graffiti' in a somewhat ironic way!

Until next time Glasgow...

Until next time gigathon...

And hopefully, the next time I feel like the truly liberated Gwyneth won't be far away...xoxo